Self-esteem. The combination of those two words has always confused me, and my struggle with the concept has extended way beyond word combinations. Some factors beyond my control, mainly a foot problem that placed me in corrective shoes until I was eleven, greatly affected my self-image from an early age.
Despite my best attempts, I never understood how to get esteem from me. Even as I matured, accepted things beyond my control, made peace with things I had perceived incorrectly and returned to normal footwear, I still came up empty-handed when I tried to draw a bucket full of worth and value out of what seemed like the very shallow well of my life. Too often that bucket was brimming with things I wanted to throw back.
Sometimes I didn’t know much, but I knew that I needed Jesus as desperately as anyone alive, and somehow my value … my importance … my complete sense of worth inhabited a refreshing well very much not of me. I could only find my fill of those things in one place … one Friend … one overflowing, cleansing Fountain. I don’t know what I would do without Jesus. I’ve found everything I ever needed and lacked in Him.
My personal experience in this area led me to a different wording … a combination that made sense to my frustrated mind and nurtured my broken heart all at the same time. It just made sense to me to call it Christ-esteem because He was … He is … my source of integrity … goodness … permission … and honor. He is my deep wellspring of endless, living water.
At the very same time, a few hundred miles away, one of my best friends was putting the same concept … and different words … together in a way that spoke clearly to him. He called it God-confidence.
We only saw each other about once a year, so during one of our visits, as we began to share our journeys and discoveries and new word-combinations, we talked for hours … fascinated by the similarities of our struggles and our conclusions, despite the fact that we were physically separated by large amounts of time and space.
I don’t know how much two country boys know about the esteem of a human heart … or a wounded soul, but I think there’s a lady in Luke 7:36-50 who just might stay up late visiting with us one night if we ever met. I think that Jesus is having very much the same effect on our lives that He had on hers. Hmmmm … I wonder what she would call it.
I’m so thankful that Jesus knows everything about me … and chooses to be friends with me anyway. That’s Christ-esteem. I wouldn’t want any other kind.
Note from Steve: Since my youth ministry days, I’ve been sharing my ideas about Christ-esteem with family and friends, believing that the concept was unique to me. However, on February 18, 2005, I went to Google and searched for “Christ-esteem” hoping the search engine would bring up my web site as a match.
To my surprise, there were over 700 matches. Most of those matches referenced a minister named Don Matzat and a book he published in 1990 through Harvest House Publishers titled “Christ-Esteem, Where the Search for Self-Esteem Ends,” ISBN: 0890817847. Wow! Just when you think you have a completely unique idea, you find out that over a decade ago, someone else wrote a whole book on it.
I’m not familiar with Mr. Matzat’s work, so I don’t know what he has to say on the subject, but the thoughts and experiences documented above are my own, and I hope they help you to discover the greatest esteem I’ve ever known … the esteem that flows from Jesus.
~s
